Today I found my dream job, and I’m so quailfied. Over-qualified in fact.
Job Title: Alpha Omega
Organization: The Universe
The Universe, a well established nonprofit organization since 14.5 billion years ago is searching for a person to lead daily operations.
– Scheduling of the planet rotations in the Milky Way Galaxy and beyond.
– Monitor rotation of the Earth to ensure proper weather temperatures for precipitation, heating and cooling.
– Manage sun set, sun rise and the gravitational pull of the moon.
– Must be able to control winds and produce fire, hail and other natural occurrences
– Produce a rainbow on occasions.
– At least 10 billion years of galaxy management.
– Demonstrate ability to perform all duties above.
– Multitasking is a must!
Experience Required: 10 years
Visa: Will not sponsor
Potential Page Range: 0
Travel Requirements: Speed of Light / 100%
Preferred Major: Management
Preferred Degree: Doctorate
Job Certifications: None
Please e-mail resume and cover letter to: email@example.com
Or send hard copies to:
Big Bang Drive
Milky Way Galaxy, Universe, 00000
No phone calls please!
The Universe is an equal opportunity employer